Factors affecting how couples recover from a conflictPosted: February 24, 2011
Here’s some interesting research: a long-term study, following a group of people since birth, has turned up a correlation between the ability of those individuals’ to get over conflict in their adult relationships and their ‘closeness’ to the person who was their primary caregiver during infancy.
In a nut-shell, people who were close to their caregiver between 12 and 18 months (mum, in most cases, I guess) found it easier to get past disagreements with their romantic partners in adulthood.
The researchers suggest this means that if your caregiver is better at regulating your negative emotions as an infant, you tend to do a better job of regulating your own negative emotions in the moments following a conflict as an adult.
And there’s more: one of the study’s authors, Jessica Salvatore, says they “found that people who were insecurely attached as infants but whose adult romantic partners recover well from conflict are likely to stay together … If one person can lead this process of recovering from conflict, it may buffer the other person and the relationship.”
So even if one person has difficulty getting over conflict, as long as the other partner doesn’t then this won’t have to be a significantly negative aspect of the relationship.
via Science Daily